First Reference
Refusal
Dr Tim Bowling was someone I had always admired as a medical student. A dynamic consultant with an amazing bow tie. I spent sometime as a medical student at North Staffordshire NHS Trust in the late 1990s. Infact, I designed a helpful table for any other medical student who wanted to come to the ward for an attachment. In the first reference, Dr Bowling gave me an A grade so he must have had a generally high opinion of me. As the post whistle blowing letter shows, Dr Bowling was in somewhat of a dilemma. On one hand he had to support his medical colleagues and on the other hand there was me.
I suspect the biggest mistake I made was to really return there for my house jobs. Retrospective analysis though is a fine thing with hindsight. I though believed that all consultants would be as Dr Bowling was. I believed in many things that year. I believed in everything Tim Bowling had told me. As a fairly innocent medical student you often have faith in people, you have faith in them supporting you and everything you expect of seniors.
Now, it is an established fact that ALL consultants knew of the problems on Ward 87. That was one of the findings of the Creamer Report. Dr Creamer stated that everyone had overlooked these concerns. They knew of the fact that juniors had run into problems there in the past. Some had gone away traumatised. The problem with those who were supposed to be responsible for us was that they never took that responsibility seriously. This follows that it was unlikely that Dr Tim Bowling had no knowledge of the problems on Ward 87.
By February 1999, I was exhausted. The Trust had cut my pay. I was getting less that £500 per month. I had a disabled father to support. I barely had food in the fridge. My debts were building up. I had friends in Stoke on Trent but they all disappeared following this incident. Most of the Senior House Officers stated that they had always known of Ward 87 problems but they had not spoken out. I had been accused of a needle stick injury by the Trust three weeks after the whistleblowing incident. I had no references at all. The Medical Protection Society had been unhelpful. The British Medical Association were ineffective. The Trust had lied to me repeatedly as had Dr Monica Spitieri. They had all attempted to shift the problem onto me. Attempted to try and insinuate that I was not coping. During those periods, I often sat in my room and wondered why it was my fault that the ward had no equipment and everyone knew patients there died like flies. But as with any place, they were just patients to them. There were more where they came from. The fact that many were dying needlessly due to various failures was not acknowledged by anyone.
I needed to live, for that I needed money. For that, I needed to work and do a few locums. It was during that fateful time in desperation that I wrote to Dr Bowling for a reference so that I could work. I recall the conversation as if it was yesterday. I recall speaking to him on the telephone as well as receiving the letter. I realised what the medical profession had been like on that very day. Tim Bowling thought about himself. He didn't care that I was a penniless doctor and that I had worked myself through medical school through poverty. What did he know about living through hardship? They and Tim Bowling left me to effectively survive on my own. Tim Bowling had suddenly become inhuman. Everything he knew about my hard work had disappeared from his mind. He had believed his colleague's view of me and I am sure if I had killed myself at that point, they would have all laughed on my grave. The sort of raw wicked laughter that you find in people who are cold and have no heart. I discovered that is the sort of people they were. Tim Bowling was the turning point, he was the person who made me realise that people are never what they seem. To me, he may have been a complete success as a doctor, but he was a complete failure as a person. Leaving their junior doctors in the gutter to fend for themselves hoping they will just disappear and never return to challenge them.
But this only happened because I was a whistleblower, because I asked for more equipment. Prior to that, I had been the golden girl who could do nothing wrong. The medical profession at that time of the Bristol Inquiry was not ready for the whistleblower. Tim Bowling was not ready for the whistleblower. I wonder if he would treat his own children in the same way. Or whether he would appreciate other doctors treating his own children in the way he did.
It was very true that there were tears falling down my face as he spoke to me on the phone. I had to think about how I was going to support my disabled father and what I was going to do for money. I think its when you start counting all the pennies from the car floor is the time you understand the pain of poverty. The next day, I sold my clarinet, I sold my watch and I sold what I could to purchase food for the week. It is during these times that you understand the extent of wickedness that exists in the world.
I believe the public have a view of doctors, that view is that we are super human beings and that whistleblowers should walk into another job without any problems. Weakness is not an acceptable trait in doctors. This is illustrative of the fact that Tim Bowling is simply one consultant of many. He has forgotten all about me. I am not part of his conscience and never will be. I though remember him. He didn't have to give me a reference, he could have cared enough to ask whether I was coping or whether I needed support. These questions though escaped him. Doctors are supposed to be caring people but he certainly was not caring. Perhaps he is caring to the right people but clearly not when it should really count. Tim Bowling though is representative of many consultants view of whistleblowers. The vast majority of consultants will seek to ostracise their junior totally. The whistleblower is viewed as someone who has betrayed the profession in some way. In this way, the whistleblower is ostracized and isolated.
I believe though that people like Tim Bowling make you lose faith in human beings in general. My faith disintegrated from that day on. You learn to deal with characters like Tim Bowling in the way they should be dealt with - with complete contempt and indifference. I don't think they deserve any better.
This is written for the benefit of the public and junior doctors. I always find it important to narrate the experiences of whistleblowing because hardly anyone knows what it is like for a doctor to be in the middle of the backlash that follows the act of whistleblowing.
I suspect the biggest mistake I made was to really return there for my house jobs. Retrospective analysis though is a fine thing with hindsight. I though believed that all consultants would be as Dr Bowling was. I believed in many things that year. I believed in everything Tim Bowling had told me. As a fairly innocent medical student you often have faith in people, you have faith in them supporting you and everything you expect of seniors.
Now, it is an established fact that ALL consultants knew of the problems on Ward 87. That was one of the findings of the Creamer Report. Dr Creamer stated that everyone had overlooked these concerns. They knew of the fact that juniors had run into problems there in the past. Some had gone away traumatised. The problem with those who were supposed to be responsible for us was that they never took that responsibility seriously. This follows that it was unlikely that Dr Tim Bowling had no knowledge of the problems on Ward 87.
By February 1999, I was exhausted. The Trust had cut my pay. I was getting less that £500 per month. I had a disabled father to support. I barely had food in the fridge. My debts were building up. I had friends in Stoke on Trent but they all disappeared following this incident. Most of the Senior House Officers stated that they had always known of Ward 87 problems but they had not spoken out. I had been accused of a needle stick injury by the Trust three weeks after the whistleblowing incident. I had no references at all. The Medical Protection Society had been unhelpful. The British Medical Association were ineffective. The Trust had lied to me repeatedly as had Dr Monica Spitieri. They had all attempted to shift the problem onto me. Attempted to try and insinuate that I was not coping. During those periods, I often sat in my room and wondered why it was my fault that the ward had no equipment and everyone knew patients there died like flies. But as with any place, they were just patients to them. There were more where they came from. The fact that many were dying needlessly due to various failures was not acknowledged by anyone.
I needed to live, for that I needed money. For that, I needed to work and do a few locums. It was during that fateful time in desperation that I wrote to Dr Bowling for a reference so that I could work. I recall the conversation as if it was yesterday. I recall speaking to him on the telephone as well as receiving the letter. I realised what the medical profession had been like on that very day. Tim Bowling thought about himself. He didn't care that I was a penniless doctor and that I had worked myself through medical school through poverty. What did he know about living through hardship? They and Tim Bowling left me to effectively survive on my own. Tim Bowling had suddenly become inhuman. Everything he knew about my hard work had disappeared from his mind. He had believed his colleague's view of me and I am sure if I had killed myself at that point, they would have all laughed on my grave. The sort of raw wicked laughter that you find in people who are cold and have no heart. I discovered that is the sort of people they were. Tim Bowling was the turning point, he was the person who made me realise that people are never what they seem. To me, he may have been a complete success as a doctor, but he was a complete failure as a person. Leaving their junior doctors in the gutter to fend for themselves hoping they will just disappear and never return to challenge them.
But this only happened because I was a whistleblower, because I asked for more equipment. Prior to that, I had been the golden girl who could do nothing wrong. The medical profession at that time of the Bristol Inquiry was not ready for the whistleblower. Tim Bowling was not ready for the whistleblower. I wonder if he would treat his own children in the same way. Or whether he would appreciate other doctors treating his own children in the way he did.
It was very true that there were tears falling down my face as he spoke to me on the phone. I had to think about how I was going to support my disabled father and what I was going to do for money. I think its when you start counting all the pennies from the car floor is the time you understand the pain of poverty. The next day, I sold my clarinet, I sold my watch and I sold what I could to purchase food for the week. It is during these times that you understand the extent of wickedness that exists in the world.
I believe the public have a view of doctors, that view is that we are super human beings and that whistleblowers should walk into another job without any problems. Weakness is not an acceptable trait in doctors. This is illustrative of the fact that Tim Bowling is simply one consultant of many. He has forgotten all about me. I am not part of his conscience and never will be. I though remember him. He didn't have to give me a reference, he could have cared enough to ask whether I was coping or whether I needed support. These questions though escaped him. Doctors are supposed to be caring people but he certainly was not caring. Perhaps he is caring to the right people but clearly not when it should really count. Tim Bowling though is representative of many consultants view of whistleblowers. The vast majority of consultants will seek to ostracise their junior totally. The whistleblower is viewed as someone who has betrayed the profession in some way. In this way, the whistleblower is ostracized and isolated.
I believe though that people like Tim Bowling make you lose faith in human beings in general. My faith disintegrated from that day on. You learn to deal with characters like Tim Bowling in the way they should be dealt with - with complete contempt and indifference. I don't think they deserve any better.
This is written for the benefit of the public and junior doctors. I always find it important to narrate the experiences of whistleblowing because hardly anyone knows what it is like for a doctor to be in the middle of the backlash that follows the act of whistleblowing.
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