Phil Hammond

Phil wrote to me recently. I think he finds me a little amusing given I told him that as a spotty, grubby medical student, I actually quite liked Struck off and Die. He tries to avoid my overt deterioration into a giggly uncontrolled fan and keeps talking about whistleblowing. I think he feels that letting his guard down around me is not a good thing!

Phil tells me he has finally listened to me and is going on tour. Yes, I believe that was called "nagging". Anyhow, this is Phil's spruced up website [www.drphilhammond.com]. Not sure about the pink effects but there must be a subtle reason for it.

I also suggested that he launch his material in the blogsphere because if he did he would be the next Stephen Fry. Phil is actually an amazing comedian. His best material was done in his early days. These days, he does sit on various panels/meetings etc and probably dislikes every minute of it. He recently wrote to me and said

"I guess someone's listening but you have to hook them early, which I suspect is why they're so reluctant to turn over your stone. However, your bravery is not forgotten!"

Phil is nice to me these days. He likes to say sweet things to me probably because he feels I have been kicked by the medical profession into oblivion. It is a kind of fatherly "I should take care of Rita" kind of thing. I like Phil these days as well so I don't mind a little attention from him now and then. Charming, admirable men are always welcome. The attention is minimal because famous men are busy men. The conversation last year was really fun. It was hilarious because we were both stuck in the snow with communication by email. Phil has the same kind of warped, rude sense of humour has I have. It is though always wonderful to talk to Phil because he is infectiously funny.

He has the advantage of reminding me that I did quite fancy him when I was a teenager, went off him for a while as a junior doctor but now that he is turning normal again, he appears to be quite attractive in many ways. These things always help in holding my attention. Believe me, when you are a whistleblower, it takes a lot to hold your attention permanently. I have such a low boredom threshold these days.

As a medical student, I was given Struck off and Die in cassette format [ cripes, remember them?]. It was funny as hell. This tape got passed around everywhere. Phil was in his prime before the establishment tried to tame him. He isn't quite tame yet and he has this rebel streak still glittering out. I think the younger generation of medics would appreciate his rebellious streak in these bleak times of establishment rule.

Everytime I get one of his emails I often feel like I did when I was twenty one - all fizzy and excitable. It is probably uncontrolled oestrogen in superpower fast overdrive. I probably did one of the worst things and the world and asked him for a autographed photo. Phil though totally ignores these requests and starts talking nervously about more intellectual things. Hey, I can do "intellectual" too.

It is often very amusing to watch him strategically ignore any admiring glances by email. It is the kind of thing men do when they haven't a clue how to react or what to do. I am surprised even even wrote a book about sex and here it is :).

I would never get away with this kind of behaviour with any other TV doctor. You can get away with this kind of shamless behaviour with Phil because you know he will just look at you, smirk ,shake his head, sigh and walk away. I wonder if Phil knows about his sex appeal. Sex appeal sells books of course and if I find him deliciously charming, I am sure many other women in the world would. If you can't have Phil, the next best thing is to bag one of his books!

I really dislike superslimeball Dr Hilary Jones who I believe to be the most unfanciable doctor on the media waves. You would have to be a bored housewife with no window cleaners to start fancying him. Any intelligent well meaning girl with half a brain would probably go for Dr Phil Hammond. Even if you buy his books, it is probably enough to get into Phil's brain. He never takes his shirt off sadly. Perhaps only his wife succeeds in certain things.

I suppose if I met Phil in person, I would sit on his lap shamelessly and inform him that I still had my wonderbra - this would probably drive him into some state of shock. The shorter the skirt at this stage, the more likely hood of resuscitation no doubt but one should be gentle on senior doctors. At his age, it would have to be a state of shock because I think he has been sitting in too many stuffy meetings with too many stuffy people being forced to say stuffy intelligent things.That is what happens when you get famous. In reality though, Phil is rebellious, funny and extremely witty. People try and tame you to be like "them" when you become famous. There is an expectation that as you get older, you have to behave yourself and be respectable. Not sure why Phil has allowed them all to marginally tame him - because he was fabulous as the no nonsense daring personality that made him famous. I hope he gets back to his roots, it is where he is most comfortable. When he isn't influenced by those around him, he is charming, witty, wonderfully entertaining, engaging and fabulous. And that is him with his shirt on.

On a serious note, I am very appreciative of Phil's article he wrote on Ward 87 in Private Eye. Hell, no other journalist bothered to read the evidence. At least Phil reads unlike the rest of the high flying editors in the world of newspapers. It took me a few ratty sessions of emails flying back and forth to get him to read the material though. Then I discovered Phil was just a cute bunny in real life. It is so difficult to be mean to a cute bunny - it is a bit like the Richard Marks effect. One just can't be mean to cute men and that is one of my weaknesses. Anyway, I ought to plug his stuff really because he is quite a gem when it comes to writing. I am plugging his early material below in the hope that I get an autographed picture in the post :) with his shirt off [ ha ha]