Survival

When life becomes a series of survival techniques, I am not sure what quality of life doctors have. My friend survived his ordeal yesterday but only just. I was scared shitless .

I often look at myself and wonder what would have happened had the dark tower succeeded in punishing me through their Fitness to Practise Procedures. Some people call me brave for surviving the GMC. The actual honest truth is that I didn't want to end up sitting at the side of Beachy Head contemplating how I was going to die. I am not brave at all. I just know what I want and what I don't want.

Luckily, I have this thing about dying while fat. I consider it totally uncool to be found dead while being overweight without proper lingerie. In my view, death has to be cool and while I am uncool, death is uncool. As silly as this sounds, this is what has prevented me from heading towards the edge. So, there always has to be something that prevents you and reels you back into living your life.

I have always known that the GMC would have driven me to the edge and have taken stock of the situation and stopped them from doing this to me. I think recognising limitations is important. I was never brave enough to face a GMC hearing. This was probably the reason I have litigated against the GMC and fought to survive. Part of litigation is having some modicum of control over a situation. The GMC has this way of making you feel powerless over your life and over everything you do. So, I suppose litigation for me was part of survival. There have been periods in the past were I have just survived from day to day. You eat, you sleep, you watch TV and you wait till the sinking feeling related to the GMC disappears.This often takes effort in the initial stages.

We all have demons in our mind's eye. I think the GMC brings the worst out in doctors. My first way to survive was to alter my mindset and understand that the GMC isn't important in the grand scale of the universe. I often look up at the sky and consider how fragile we all are. A meteor could drop on us in a second and we would all be dead.  So, I really wouldn't have wanted my life to be spent fighting the GMC, one day after another. The GMC has blighted my life in many ways and while I can forget what has been done to me, I cannot forgive or forget what has been done to my friends and colleagues who have been weakened under their tyranny. Perhaps this is the reason I write about various issues on the internet. I would hate the history books to have omitted this dark face of the GMC. The GMC basement may be extended to accommodate for more corpses but one thing is for sure, one day people are going to find out about atrocities meted out on innocent doctors. Until that day, it is important for us all to play our part in raising concerns about our colleagues and friends so the vulnerable and the dead are not forgotten.

I  consider myself fortunate and every day I value the fact I am still living.  This is why I make the most of each day because I remember the days when I simply survived. Freedom is important. Freedom to live is even more important. I think once doctors understand the value of life, the importance of the GMC falls by the wayside. Through all my internal debates about life, death, the world, this is the conclusion I came to. While many doctors deal with life and death from a scientific view, few understand that their own lives should be cherished and protected no matter what.

As they say - Carpe Diem.