Personality

Rustom and Preetha on Vocals. Rita in Purple on Piano. 

For those of us into astronomy and space, we tend to understand the finite nature of the world around us. Yes, when I look up at the sky I always think of the fact that a meteor may just fall on me and it would be the end. I also think about how large the universe is and how minor the issue on North Staffordshire NHS Trust really was. I began to think like that in about 1998. I think its the only way I survived through it. Over the years though I have never forgotten or forgiven those who sought out to malevolently shoot me. There is a place in Stoke on Trent - it is up in the hills. From there you can see the stars and the entire lights of the city. During the times of turmoil, I spent large amounts of time there fixing my mind on how to deal with standing on my own. Before North Staffs, I had depended on friends, members of my family and many people. I was potentially a large social cat with legions of acquaintances and friends to speak of. My personality was largely different. I was probably more tolerant, was more likely to waste time on pointless and aimless chit chat and tended not to value life in general.

If you examine a person's psyche, you are essentially what the environment makes you. The environment around you is always a rough terrain in many ways. The decision on how to survive this rests solely on you. This is the case with whistleblowers. Their personality adapts to their environment and there are bound to be some changes. In my case, I was a seriously pissed off bunny 2 years after I raised concerns. This was reflected in my writing and my manner of not really giving a damn about irrelevant people. Being pissed off is of course not a mental illness. This is the biggest mistake made by the General Medical Council really. Then I had the last laugh there. I think authorities cannot expect whistleblowers to remain calm and collected when shit is thrown at them from a great height. This experience is bound to change people in general. 

Nevertheless, there is this huge expectation by Trusts, authorities, members of the public and the medical profession, that whistleblowers have to remain calm and collected despite having their entire livelihood shot to flinders in front of them. For me, I am probably a little more selective in who I associate with. I tend to have a zero tolerance policy for bastards which is probably why I am far more assertive than I used to be. In time, you learn to develop a good shell much like a turtle so few people can penetrate or discover who the real you is. This is of course useful when fighting the authorities. When raising concerns, each authority is generally going to treat you as if you are the scum of the earth. This is because whistleblowers are generally perceived as the scum of the earth.

I cannot deny that whistleblowers don't have mental health problems. This group is probably at a high risk of developing mental health problems. In the end, it is up to the whistleblower whether he or she allows themselves to sink into this particular quagmire. Personally, I think it is a waste of time to wallow in self pity or self destructive behaviour. I cannot deny I have not had low periods in my life, of course I have. My way of dealing with these periods is to understand that they will soon disappear. I tend to stop anything that stresses me. I tend to start watching DVDs, playing music, walking outside and I do take Omega 3. It is about the only thing I do take. Different people have different coping strategies but the most vital aspect of learning about yourself is - knowing what your limitations are and learning to develop methods of dealing with periods that are less than optimal. In psychiatry, there are a number of mood triggers. These may include circumstances or people who lower your mood. For me, I just stop associating with anything that irritates me. I am quite lucky because I migrate to the solitude of my piano during times when I cannot see a solution. The other method to use is to start your housework. I really hate saying this but housework is actually quite good for many mood dysfunctions during a day or the week or even longer. 

Nature is also an excellent way to try and forget the past. For me, forests, plants and flowers are utterly fascinating. It normally takes me back to plant biology when I did my A Levels. Nevertheless, its just wonderful to understand where you fit within nature. In my view, these small things done during the week are probably likely to benefit anyone. My view of the world today is that it is too technological, people have forgotten how to be human and in the end there are many toxic elements around. The expectations of society is one toxic factor to anyone's mental state. Peer pressure is not only a medical phenomena but really something that exists in society to pull us all down to some kind of ground state level. Alcoholism or any kind of addiction is something whistleblowers may indeed be prone to. Medicating your pain is probably what it is called. Alcohol though is a serious depressant and if you need your brain to function but it is sedated - of course you aren't going to be able to think rationally or consider matters logically. My only experience of addiction is chocolate. It was a severe addiction with multiple side effects :). I suspect Thorntons can be blamed for medicating my pain. And its done well really because it saved me from any type of addictions to more harmful substances. I know it got to the point where I just could not function in the morning without at least one shot of Thorntons. Sad but true. At that point, it was time to detox myself ! Since 2007, my chocolate eating ways have become normal - to about once a month. This has helped my bank balance, my weight and my teeth. I can even walk past Thorntons without purchasing a bag of truffles for the next GMC letter I have to formulate. The other notable problem appears to have affected my limbic system. I am not sure why but pre 1998 I was never really into observing the horizon of devilishly handsome men. Since 1998, the entire thing has gone out of control. I have noticed that it worsens during periods when I have to write a GMC letter or material on whistleblowing. I haven't quite figured out that phenomena. In court, I think the misery gets to me the most and I default into this "Lets spot the devilishly handsome barrister". I am not quite sure what I would do if I caught one of these handsome men - probably lock them up in hamster cage and watch them on the wheel no doubt. So yes, even I have to have my distractions and my fix in some way or form. So, for the vast majority of the time, all is well until I am faced with dealing with authority, the GMC or some miserable idiot - after that, I can only try and look at the best in a situation. Normally, that just defaults to good looking men wherever I am. And boy, is the world full of good looking men or what?  So while the chocolate intake has improved, I am not quite clear how to get rid of my collection of  devilishly handsome men. Someone suggested a blindfold. Ummmm..................... perhaps I just have permanent dysfunction of the limbic system caused by Ward 87. Damn!