D.I.V.O.R.C.E

James Landon has written a very amusing piece on free counselling for those who wish to hit the high road to divorce. Read the piece here. One of my favourite Country singers is Tammy Wynnette. I quite like Country music because it is so laid back and fun. I probably have all Tammy's albums. My view on divorce - never get married. I think marriage was a silly and stupid invention by those who think sex out of wedlock is a bad thing. Well, it isn't a bad thing and I actually think men shouldn't be pinned down permanently, locked down and imprisoned. In this day and age of gold diggers, I have no idea why any man would want to get married. Of course, no one has to prove they love the other person by signing a certificate. It should already be proven in other ways.

My closest to marriage has been my GMC certificate. I don't have that anymore and that goes to show that long term marriages never work out. I think being registered with the GMC was like being hooked up with a psychopathic and abusive husband who took pleasure in beating you up repeatedly and expected you to apologize for it like a good domestically abused wife. Well, the GMC has 183,000 wives to beat up these days, all of them will only be too happy to be whipped, stripped and battered until there is nothing left but skeletons.

Medical Mobbing Part Trois. The Wicked Ways of Rod Griffiths

Telling the Truth Becomes an Impossibility

And that was the end of my Swine Flu. Now back to the whistleblowing business. I am terribly sorry that the GMC and Department of Health are probably rather disappointed that their grave digging has not come to any legitimate result. Yes, I have a few remnants of Swine Flu but nothing that will throw me into one of those graves. Besides, after remaining in a medical box full of disgusting people, I think being in a wooden box would cramp my style. I would prefer to simply be cremated with my ashes thrown to the seas at Lizards Point.

In the meantime, as I am not facing a furnace or an NHS hospital, I think it is probably best that we continued the tales of medical mobbing. Previously on Ward 87, I wrote about Prof Rod Griffiths CBE. The CBE is important because it means that no matter how many patients you affect, you can retire in Worcestershire with a rather large fat pension.

I woke up this morning to an email from Professor Rod Griffiths. I had asked him to correct his Wicked Ways. Well, all wolves need an opportunity to correct themselves. After all, reformed characters often do this kind of thing. Griffiths wrote a very predictable email and refused to correct his position. He made all kinds of excuses for the fact he wished to sit on his toad stool and simply croak. I had actually secretly hoped he would do this because life would be rather boring without detailing the Wicked Ways of Rod Griffiths online and through a book. Some things are just too entertaining as narrative to be locked in some stuffy old cabinet. And when we are all dead and buried, no one can say I was unfair. I always have this theory that reading is a high expectation. It is clear that Griffiths is unable to read evidence. He never has been able to read properly. The same can be applied to numerous judges, lawyers, senior doctors, GMC workers etc etc. The more you walk up the ladder of authority, the more you understand that reading is a rare and specialist talent. With the General Medical Council, you raise one issue, the question answered is another one.

This was one of my favorite emails written to the legal representatives paid for by the tax payer. Yes, old Rodders was represented by his entourage of Department of Health ethnically correct lawyers. One of our favorites is Zahida Ramzan Asgar. Asgar is a fascinating creature. Like most lawyers, Zahida has problems with the truth. Dealing with the complaint at the GMC was a bit like making a Carry On Movie or indeed a Pantomine. Ramzan Asgar cannot have been employed by the Department of Health for her talents in honesty. The problem with lawyers and doctors like Professor Griffiths is that they all assume that only they are clever and that the rest of us aren't.

The email below centred upon my allegation that there was no drip set to save a patient. Whats the fuss, the Telegraph may [ and did] ask. For those in the medical know how, we know that if fluid cannot be administered in a dehydrated hypovolaemic patient, then they tend to die. Drip sets are available in every first world country and even in third world countries.

Anyhow, in this particular case, Asgar as a lawyer thought she was cleverest one in the world. You could just imagine her standing in front of her large oval mirror preening herself and telling herself what a wonderful lawyer she is.

Griffiths felt that as senior doctor extraordinarily, no one would question his absurd statement. Again, it was designed to imply that I didn't know what I was talking about. The fact though remains that I have always known what I am talking about - it is simply that the rest of the authorities haven't a f**** clue.

This was my email to her - following this email, the GMC began to run around like headless chickens. Why do I talk about this now - well, its hellishly funny and readers ought to assess the question - if these people in high places don't have a clue about drop sets, what do they have a clue about?

Message date : Apr 25 2005, 10:46 PM
From : "Rita Pal"
To : "Zahida Ramzan-Asghar"
Copy to :
Subject : Lesson one in Medicine for Professor Griffiths

Dear Zahida,

You say your client has a CBE, a A++ distinction award etc etc.

In 18.5 of your document ( page 26), you state

" An alternative available to the Complainant was to call a crash team herself and not leave the patient. The crash team would have had a drip set and would have provided more experience".

I am sure the eminent Professor with his CBE and his A+ distinction award would be aware that the most experienced doctor in the world could not do anything without a infusion set. For mere solicitors like yourself - you need to comprehend that without a drip set, fluid cannot be administered even by the crash team or a consultant. Anyhow, I enclose the Resuscitation Council's Ward/ Hospital equipment list.

The Resuscitation Council states the following "Provision should be made in all clinical areas to have immediate access to resuscitation drugs and equipment to facilitate rapid resuscitation of the patient in cardiopulmonary arrest". This is the minimum requirement for equipment on any ward.

Anyhow, as you are a solicitor and rather observant, you may well notice in the circulation equipment section of this document- it states " Intravenous infusion sets" . This is of course a drip set.

You admitted that because there was no drip set on the ward, I should have called the crash team for help despite the fact the patient had not arrested. Anyhow, firstly the crash team is ONLY called in a situation of actual rather than predicted respiratory or cardiac arrest ( I can show you the protocols for this if you wish). By your own admission there was no drip set, therefore the ward has not fulfilled the minimum standards expected by the resuscitation council thereby placing patients at risk.

By the way, for avoidance of doubt, the enclosed equipment is expected to be on every ward by every crash team. Perhaps you should join me in a crash call so that we can all observe whether a drip set is routinely carried. Would you like me to bleep the registrar oncall at a hospital today and on the crash team - I could ask him whether he has a drip set in his pocket that he carries around while on MAU :)

You should also remember that I was on the City General Hospital Crash Team. I note in May 1999, the defibrillator in City General Hospital stopped working mid arrest. The expression, we had one but the knob fell off springs to mind.

For our Professor, a man with A ++ and a CBE - it is rather laughable that he has absolutely no idea of the minimal requirements required on a clinical ward and neither apparently has the General Medical Council.

Lesson two will be later on this week :). Hope you are taking notes Prof Griffiths.

Kind Regards

Dr Rita Pal

cc This is blind copied to all my medical friends including those on a doctors website near here so they can have a good laugh. For all the non medics on this list - this concerns Professor Griffiths ( Ex Director of Public Health)'s efforts to bamboozle the GMC into thinking that if there is no drip set on the ward, one should call the crash team even if the patient has not yet arrested to obtain a drip set. Apparently, the SHO, Registrar or anaesthetist will bring their own dripset. So campers - everytime the NHS Trusts fail to afford to put drip sets on the ward, and you need one to infuse fluids - call the crash team and tell them Professor Rod Griffiths set ya :) and the GMC agrees with it. So for the number of times we need a drip set in a medical emergency such as dehydration, septic shock, pre - op, hypoglycaemia etc the GMC and Prof Griffiths advises us to - call the crash team. When the crash team arrive you say " He is not dead, he has not arrested, he is breathing, he has a pulse but I would not mind borrowing your drip set" ( cause Prof Griffiths said you would not mind).

Breathing is a basic right

I have been awake since 0430 today. Lying flat is making me short of breath so there was only one more thing left to do. I trotted downstairs and started to inhale steam/Vicks. I hate being short of breath, it reminds me of a number of patients who become short of breath - you sit there hour after hour trying to improve them. One of the tricks with pneumonia in hospital is to use warm saline nebulisers. At home, this technique has to be mimicked by a bowl of hot water and Vicks. Loosening phlegm is vital in the management of any chest infection. The other issue is to nurse the patient sitting up - using a number of pillows. In hospital, this is easy because hospital beds have a pillow support.

Lying flat more often then not causes further shortness of breath in people with heart failure and or infections. In NHS hospitals, you will often find that the demise of patients is related to the fact that nurses have not nursed them with their pillows raised/and or sitting up. At home, people can purchase the bed wedge pillow which is immensely useful. The last issue to loosen phlegm in chest infections/pneumonia is to keep up the good fluid intake. Dehydration causes further sticky phlegm and prolongs infection.

And so matters improved for me - but for only 2 hours At 0800, I was back under the towel and bowl of hot water, this time things improved even more. The tissue mountain grew and was flushed down the toilet. The good news is that the wheezing has now gone down to brief crackles through the chest. Exhaustion though is setting in gradually. I need to sleep more than 8 hours and it hasn't happened for a while.

This was my predicament, I didn't want swine flu to be left on surfaces etc for the rest of the relatives to catch. Finally, I found some anti bacterial wipes - not that they will do any good but I have to do what I can as a responsible person with a infectious virus. The Swine flu has now made by cells its host. It has made itself comfortable and has put its spindle feet up. If anyone has done virology they will know that all viruses are wicked selfish creatures. Anyone who wants to read about bugs should consider buying a book called Medical Microbiology by Playfair. I was taught by Playfair at medical school and he is an immensely entertaining writer and lecturer. He makes bacteria and viruses fascinating.

Today, I had to get some air from the outside world so I sat in the garden while dawn broke. The sun and the morning is a beautiful thing to observe when you are feeling so darned ill. It is the kind of thing you appreciate when you come out of a court room filled with vipers and you have to hang onto the fact that actually the world is beautiful and everything else that society creates is largely irrelevant.

My greatest pleasure in life these days is my daily Activa pot of yoghurt. Activa and antibiotics go together because according to a GP friend of mine, it prevents diarrhoea. I prefer strawberry of course and am quite happy to wolf down a number of tubs. I haven't had any side-effects to antibiotics. One thing is for sure, I really do not like being a semi detached home for the Swine Flu virus. It is now becoming an uninvited guest and I would like it to leave. In retrospect, perhaps Tamiflu would have been a good idea. At least I would have felt I had done everything to protect myself. Then again, knowing me I probably would have had some severe reaction to it. Yesterday, I hear a man attended hospital because it caused jaundice.

And would I have had the Swine Flu vaccine? Given the severity of this illness, yes. I will probably recover from this chest infection/pneumonia but some elderly folk/vulnerable people would have died. I think you have to have quite high level stamina to deal with this virus. The virus as advertised is crippling.

My next project is to study Aloe Vera - some tell me that it is good for the immune system. See video below. I haven't made my mind up yet whether I should add it to my regime this week. I have given up on mastering the duvet issue because I neither have the strength or the mental power to concentrate on this.

Emergency Rainbow. Houston we really have a problem

Multicoloured emergency

OK, it is 17.13, my fever is back as is my crippling spinal pain. The most worrying thing is that my phlegm has loosened and has become a multi-coloured rainbow. That is probably too much information for the masses but it indicates a serious chest infection. The fact it is turning red is a second issue that is worrying me i.e it may be pneumonia. It doesn't help that my chest is now whistling more than me. It is one of the complications of swine flu that I had feared.

Anyway, the good news is my throat is miles better and my voice is back. Fantastic, now I can whine to everyone about my fragile state. I am on antibiotics only because I really don't feel like dying off and lying dead in some wet gale blown grave badly dug by the deadbeats at the GMC.

Even worse, I really don't feel like being admitted in some dingy NHS hospital where no junior doctor will be able to cannulate me and some moron will ask me whether I speak English or not. I suppose some weedy paramedic will say he cannot carry me because I don't weigh -7 stone and that it is against Health and Safety to carry me to the ambulance. Some old lady last week fell head first onto the pavement because the paramedics didn't carry her properly due to health and safety regulations. This behaviour from health staff is becoming absurd. Lastly, I really don't want to wear a blue gown which falls off everytime you for a pee. I will have to go back to BHS pants and it really really will cramp my style big time. The good thing about being ill is that my records are no longer on the NHS database. Yes, I used the Big Opt Out. There is nothing in there anyway as I hate being a patent, I hate visiting the doctor etc etc.

I have been whinging about the fact I have been quite silly and not taken Tamiflu but a GP I know tells me that the drug only reduces the symptoms by one day. The whine of regret is now driving all my friends round the bend. So this is one in a series of unfortunate events for me. I had to get this complication, it had to be me, it couldn't be anyone else like Liam Donaldson. I was hoping to recover tomorrow but now I have to tolerate these complications and remain quarantined for at least 3 days more. This quarantine is now becoming impossible for me. I have now read all about lipsticks, Jordan and Gold diggers and it would be good if I could concentrate on more intellectual material but its not happening. My concentration span is now less than a goldfish due to this infection. It will become a real emergency if I start watching Big Brother re-reruns.

Apparently, the GMC gravediggers are back to digging again....... . Hope is a fine thing eh....

In the meantime, I am going back to bed and if I don't post tomorrow....... Mike Delphino may have rescued me or lets hope the big G supplies tall dark handsome angels with blue eyes where size does matter!

NB For GT and JL - I meant "wings" *sigh*

Playing Now :)

Day 3. All Change for the Miss Piggy Double Duvet

Swineflu Accessory

I woke up at 5.30 as usual. Spent 2 hours under a steam pot filled with water and Vicks. Used up endless tissue paper - I am building a tissue mountain.

I keep thinking that everyone around me or those who visit me will catch swine flu.

The elderly and irritating window cleaner arrived yesterday insisting he needed to speak to me. Which part of " swine flu" didn't he understand? I really dislike window cleaners. Firstly, they are nosey and secondly you just feel like edging towards the window and destabilizing the ladder. I would never do that of course but it is always tempting.

I have kept away from most human beings save for the ones who insist on invading my quarantine hutch. I have been left a Miss Piggy duvet cover by members of my immediate family who also confiscated Series 5 of Desperate Housewife on the pretense that it was too risky for me to see more of Mike Delphino on DVD. My mother I hear is convinced that good little Indian girls should never look at a man with his top off.

Someone had snitched on me and told her that I have been placing shocking naked men on my Ward 87 blog. As with most asian mothers, she isn't happy at all. No doubt the gaggle of Bengali elderly women are tittering over my outrageous liking for Mike Delphino. It isn't my fault that all Bengali men are short, short and short. Not that I have anything against dwarfs of course but they just aren't Mike Delphino. And at some point, size has to matter.

As four people have pointed out, at no time have I been a good little Indian girl. They have a point of course! I couldn't remember the last time I was obedient.

While I was steaming my head, lungs, nostrils etc, I had time to contemplate the whistleblowing world around me. Since I have whistleblown, I have suffered from more infections than any other human being. I therefore conclude that there is some kind of a relationship between poor immunity and whistleblowing.

I have attempted to draw myself a plan to get over my chocolate addiction. These plans keep being redrawn repeatedly. Over the last 10 years, I keep relapsing intermittently. I have developed a dislike for all things with the word "lawyer or court" in it. My disrespect for authority has grown to heady heights. There is some kind of relationship between that and my chocolate addiction. Everyone tells me I should be grateful that I am not addicted to other substances but no one has counted my fascination with tall, dark haired blue eyed men. All from a distance of course. Once you take a closer look, you just have to run.

So the real side effects of whistleblowing are

1. Cynicism.
2. A total disrespect for authority
3. A care free attitude to everything.
4. A attitude to life where each day is valued.

Today is Day 3 of the Swine Flu. I appear to be getting better bar the fact I still have no proper voice. It hasn't killed me of yet despite the horror stories I have been told. Can someone tell the GMC grave-diggers to stop their work :)? Apparently, they were digging themselves into a deeper hole.

I should say that this Pig Plague appears to be quite a severe version of the flu and in retrospect, Tamiflu is a good idea for the vulnerable. Actually, it is probably a good idea for everyone. Why go through pain?

I happened to have braved it because I am a whistleblower and tough - and I have this idea that nothing defeats me. I also have this view that I am no wuss or weakling. This gung ho attitude isn't for everyone and I accept that. As for complications, I think I have developed a chest infection but that will resolve soon as long as I can loosen the phlegm. My chest appears to be whistling away in tune with my breathing. Perhaps I do really need a new bra again.

My current invader

I am though fairly washed out and totally exhausted. All I feel like doing is sleeping at present. The problem with sleeping is I find myself drenched due to the onset of fevers etc and subsequent decreasing of temperatures. This is resulting in further attempts to change my bed and duvet cover which is causing me substantial levels of irritation. It is at times like these that we all need maids. It is also at times like these there are advantages to being a gold digger. Sadly, whistleblowers have morals and gold digging is out of the question. That's the problem with having morals - you have to change your own bed and duvet cover no matter how much trauma it causes. This Miss Piggy duvet cover is causing me some serious problems.

My current problem is this - when am I free from being contagious? I would quite like to go shopping for more bras, a new supply of opaque black tights, underwear and of course chocolate! Besides, Christmas is coming.....................

Dreaming of Delphino

Dreaming of Delphino

I have just woken up from a deep slumber that lasted for about 7 hours. In that time, I had to again untangle myself from my duvet, fall out of bed, drink on jug full of iced water as I was getting severely dehydrated again. Having eaten pasta for dinner as made from The Big Book of Pasta, I feel a little more human again albeit exhausted. In the meantime, Blackdog has some sound advice for all of us - here is what he says :-

Rock and a hard place with this. Stop the caffiene for dehydration and you lose the effect of broncho-dilation for the breathing. Don't overdo the chocolate but send out for 85 or 90 per cent cocoa fat Lindt bitter sweet chocolate. Very soothing and low in carbohydrate, which is not good for any infection. Most thrive on starches and sugars so despite the intuition that orange juice is good; it isn't. It is far too high in fructose which is metabolised very rapidly in humans. Remember orange juice for Hypoglycaemia?

Far better Vitamin C in high dose tablets plus D3 in the long term to boost levels for winter when there is little sunshine to make it from cholesterol. As D3 has a half life of 8 weeks it won't help now but will in the future. Henry will tell you how much. Hydration is good especially iced water. Opiates with Acetominophen good for symptom relief but bad for long term use as you know as codiene will stop peristalsis fairly rapidly even in low doses.

I would hope you have a cohort of tame handsome followers to attend your needs, even at risk of infection, if I were 30 yrs younger it would be worth it. If not then 'Physician heal thyself'.

Seriously though take care of yourself, we all need you but you are a dynamo and your load will be affecting the HPA-axis and doing your immune system harm. You inspire us all but slow down while you're ill.

My voice has not returned. I am still squealing away like a pot bellied pig. Having a shower and basic things like brushing my teeth are now exhausting me completely. No doubt the combination of pain relief is causing this spaced out effect. I never do long term codeine by the way. Only use it in emergencies like this. I am positive one of the effects is to heighten the impact of the above picture.

The most difficult thing I am now having to cope with is recurrent dreams of Mike Delphino with no shirt on. This is causing me increases in heart rate that I may not be able to cope with. It does remind me of August 2009 when I was at our corner shop happily shopping for milk and eggs when a Delphino lookalike walked into the shop without a shirt on. I dropped the milk and eggs. I think this is called poor self control. I am repeatedly told to get my priorities right in life - apparently I have to take things like the GMC seriously. In reality though, I think my priorities as a whistleblower are absolutely spot on. First priority - good looking men, Second priority - chocolate, Third priority - Onken yoghurt etc etc.

Yes, it is true, I am now reading Hello and Now as my brain isn't focusing on more detailed material. I am still trying to figure out the point of Jordan.

I know I have to sleep for another 12 or more hours to fully recover. I hope my voice returns to normal functioning soon because I am fed up with being compared to Pinky and Perky. Not sure about my oestrogen molecules, I may spontaneously combust if Mike Delphino appears in my dreams again. I have been threatened with removal of Series 5 of Desperate Housewives if these dreams place my life at risk. Then again, there is always Richard Marks to rescue me :) :). Now, that is an interesting concept! The conclusion here is that those women who have swine flu should accessorize much like I do. Absolutely nothing wrong with recurring dreams on the subject of anatomy revision. One side effect is that it may not be doing much for my temperature.

While dreaming of Mike Delphino

Silence

OK, my voice has now gone. It is 15.02 and I cannot phonate any longer. I am reduced to minor squeaks and oinks. I have also now developed wheeze intermittently. I am though still alive [ Liam Donaldson may like to make a note]. I have secured some Merocaine throat lozenges. Fat lot of good they were, they anaesthetised the entire of my mouth but not my throat. Great! For years, I prescribed it on the ward thinking they were good. Now, they are just crap. So I am back to Green Tea and Manuka Honey.

So, now that I am silent, apparently all my friends are relieved. This is one person's comment today

Dear Rita,

Like all women, you talk far too much. You have rendered the GMC completely speechless on many occasions and never let them get a word in edge-ways. You have given Neil Marshall a migraine. He doesn't understand your sense of humour, neither does he understand your aim.

Please ring me so I can finally talk to you without being interrupted repeatedly by your insanely rapid brain power. You can squeak and I can talk. I have never been able to keep up with you or shut you up- that is because you should be compared to the Road Runner. This Swine Flu should tell you that you ought to slow down and work at normal speeds like the rest of us. By that I mean " human speeds". You must be the only person I know to have written 110 pages of legal argument in about 4 hours to the GMC. As you know, it took the GMC 2 years to unpick through it. It gave Professor Griffiths yet another migraine. Following that, you went off to the movies then ate a whole plate of pasta at Frankie and Benny's. You then used the GMC as an excuse to indulge in a large cheesecake having offered me one crumb. You subsequently came home and spent the entire night watching yet another re-run of the Star Wars trilogy.

This has been the case with your visits to Haagen Daaz and other places with cream cakes. These are all crimes against the GMC :) and had you been on the GMC register, you would have been summarily struck off for eating unhealthy foods in violation of Rule 57 - putting the profession into disrepute. We all know all you have to do is breathe to be placing the profession into disrepute. Thats why the GMC have always recommended that you stop using air.

On the rare occasion that I can get a word in edgeways, I may well be able to offer you seduction as you have been telling me I am tall dark and handsome for years. It is important that you sit down, shut up and listen to what I have to say. And yes, I have survived being oncall with you. And it is also true that we did have the picture of the then CMO on the board of the doctors mess dart board. It is also true that you needed a better bra during cardiac arrests. I had offered you support but you continued to refuse it. I have no idea why you continue to reject my hands - I am public school educated, rich, handsome, I own a MG and I am well equipped for the purpose.

Yours
GT

I find the above a gross exaggeration. It is though very true that since 2003, I have used the GMC as an excuse to eat Haagen Daaz ice-cream. The GMC is also blamed for the series of unfortunately events that have happened to me over the years. For instance, some years ago a squirrel fell on my head in the park - that was blamed on the GMC as well. Grame Catto has never admitted to hiring squirrels for the Hit and Run incident :).

The rest are quite simply scurrilous rumours projected by a sore loser in darts. Now this bra comment is interesting. Obviously GT didn't have his eye on the case. Amazing what you find out 5 years later. Not sure about his hands. He has poor testosterone control. Some kind of aberrant negative feedback I think.

Severe Pain

The onset of severe unbearable spinal pain commenced at about 09.15. That and the coughing became so bad that I had to think of something better to control my symptoms. My solution was Co-Codamol [30/500]. Codeine is often associated with cough syrups and can control coughs. There isn't any direct evidence to show it improves a cough in COPD patients but it has indeed stopped my cough and my spinal pain. After 1 hour, I managed to get out of bed to eat some breakfast. Co-Codamol should not be taken with any other pain relief and I am in no way recommending this management to anyone. This works on me and I know myself well. The worrying issue is that I now have yellow phlegm but at least it hasn't turned into all the colours of the rainbow. My solution to this is to use steam inhalation with Vicks to loosen this twice a day. The other trick is to increase fluid intake and stop all caffeine containing drinks. Caffeine containing drinks often cause diuresis [ excess urination]. One of the solutions to lower temperature is to drink a glass full of ice water every hour. A jug full of ice water is therefore an essential accessory. Good hydration is vital in any kind of infection. Infection will cause dehydration and perhaps I will let Dr India explain why that is. This is particularly evident in elderly folk.

The above is my breakfast. The reason for poached eggs is that it actually boosts immunity. I am actually egg mad. During oncalls, I used to make all kinds of inventions with a simple egg and of course as everyone knows, there is nothing like a full English breakfast at an NHS hospital. They actually cook them very well.

So essentially it is nearly 11 o clock and I am symptom free.

Painful throat, Oink and Mike Delphino

Fab

I have now discovered why they call this the Swine Flu. It is because the virus turns your voice into a little oink. You honestly feel like a little pig screaming away in pain. It is now 07.41 and I am still alive. This is good news to me but not the GMC who were on my logs yesterday clearly checking to see whether I had died of this virus. Having survived parasites like them, I am sure Swine flu won't be a problem. Well, at least I don't think so.

The main problem last night was a severely painful throat and hacking cough. The worrying fact about this is the choking effect of said cough while lying flat. So, I did the sensible thing and propped myself up with 5 pillows. Having finally nodded off after anti-inflammatories and strepsils, my biggest fear was that I would choke to death as my cough reflex doesn't appear to be working properly. This sore throat is quite severe, it is dry, painful and makes you feel as though you are on your death bed. Yes, I started to wheeze early this morning but I don't think I have a chest infection just yet.

My biggest problem is trying to get hold of some proper anti-septic throat lozenges with local anaesthetic properties. Since I cannot walk out of the house just yet, I am going to have to find another way of delivery. My next idea was to use Vick in a large bowl of hotwater and steam myself which has made me feel considerably better. I am going to simply have to cope with Manuka Honey and Green Tea which appears to make my throat tolerable.

Apart from that, my fever appears to have subsided so perhaps if I shut up, stopped talking and whinging with my very hoarse throat then things might just improve further. My only problem is that exhaustion is setting in due to my hacking dry cough.

So that's 24 hours over with. Perhaps today, Mike Delphino of Desperate Housewives can distract me from my misery. Yes, I really think that Mikey is really sexy and yes, I wish our road supplied plumbers like him in which case I would have repeated purposeful problems with the pipes. And yes, it just so happens that England is probably incapable of providing such a fine specimen of a plumber - both anatomically and aesthetically.

And it is very true that I probably think about Mike Delphino more than I think about the General Medical Council. The GMC have a complete inability to provide good looking dashing barristers. Every single man they have provided in court resembles a version of Rumplestilskin. The stooped gait, the guffawing in court, the nasal snouty voice, the total lack of integrity. Seriously, no girl can legitimately fancy a crumpled drag queen or man in a wig :).

Tangerine Dreams and Duvets

21.23 Tangerine Overload

I am now munching my way through a bowl of tangerines while drinking a jug full of iced water. Aspirin kicking in again with huge levels of sweat pouring off my head. My addition to this is Activa yohurt but it really pisses me off when the local Tescos only has eeky Rhubarb.

Witchdoctor has just posted and tells me she has the same duvet problem. This is why we all need to be rich and have maids. Anyway, I figured that I learned to work a Dyson Hoover so I can do this Duvet thing. Nothing is beyond me. My project during this illness is to master the duvet cover. Here is the instructions. This is the way my friend at medical school and I used to do it! [see video below] Actually, I need a satellite navigator to find my way out of most duvet covers. Not quite sure how I get tangled in them but this always happens during periods of high fevers! It is a little embarrassing being tangled when the GP calls on you. Anyway, talking of GPs, Jobbing Doctor has graced us with his presence. He writes below "Get better soon". He could of course say he would tend to my every need for the next 48 hours of total delirium by supplying me with Thorntons Chocolates! Liam Donaldson needs to pay Jobbing Doctor more money so he can provide this speciality service.

Until later when I am less influenced by my temperature....