Silence

OK, my voice has now gone. It is 15.02 and I cannot phonate any longer. I am reduced to minor squeaks and oinks. I have also now developed wheeze intermittently. I am though still alive [ Liam Donaldson may like to make a note]. I have secured some Merocaine throat lozenges. Fat lot of good they were, they anaesthetised the entire of my mouth but not my throat. Great! For years, I prescribed it on the ward thinking they were good. Now, they are just crap. So I am back to Green Tea and Manuka Honey.

So, now that I am silent, apparently all my friends are relieved. This is one person's comment today

Dear Rita,

Like all women, you talk far too much. You have rendered the GMC completely speechless on many occasions and never let them get a word in edge-ways. You have given Neil Marshall a migraine. He doesn't understand your sense of humour, neither does he understand your aim.

Please ring me so I can finally talk to you without being interrupted repeatedly by your insanely rapid brain power. You can squeak and I can talk. I have never been able to keep up with you or shut you up- that is because you should be compared to the Road Runner. This Swine Flu should tell you that you ought to slow down and work at normal speeds like the rest of us. By that I mean " human speeds". You must be the only person I know to have written 110 pages of legal argument in about 4 hours to the GMC. As you know, it took the GMC 2 years to unpick through it. It gave Professor Griffiths yet another migraine. Following that, you went off to the movies then ate a whole plate of pasta at Frankie and Benny's. You then used the GMC as an excuse to indulge in a large cheesecake having offered me one crumb. You subsequently came home and spent the entire night watching yet another re-run of the Star Wars trilogy.

This has been the case with your visits to Haagen Daaz and other places with cream cakes. These are all crimes against the GMC :) and had you been on the GMC register, you would have been summarily struck off for eating unhealthy foods in violation of Rule 57 - putting the profession into disrepute. We all know all you have to do is breathe to be placing the profession into disrepute. Thats why the GMC have always recommended that you stop using air.

On the rare occasion that I can get a word in edgeways, I may well be able to offer you seduction as you have been telling me I am tall dark and handsome for years. It is important that you sit down, shut up and listen to what I have to say. And yes, I have survived being oncall with you. And it is also true that we did have the picture of the then CMO on the board of the doctors mess dart board. It is also true that you needed a better bra during cardiac arrests. I had offered you support but you continued to refuse it. I have no idea why you continue to reject my hands - I am public school educated, rich, handsome, I own a MG and I am well equipped for the purpose.

Yours
GT

I find the above a gross exaggeration. It is though very true that since 2003, I have used the GMC as an excuse to eat Haagen Daaz ice-cream. The GMC is also blamed for the series of unfortunately events that have happened to me over the years. For instance, some years ago a squirrel fell on my head in the park - that was blamed on the GMC as well. Grame Catto has never admitted to hiring squirrels for the Hit and Run incident :).

The rest are quite simply scurrilous rumours projected by a sore loser in darts. Now this bra comment is interesting. Obviously GT didn't have his eye on the case. Amazing what you find out 5 years later. Not sure about his hands. He has poor testosterone control. Some kind of aberrant negative feedback I think.