Rudyard Kipling once wrote a poem called IF. Elizabeth Robillard Rewrote it :). Yes, I happen to know the wonderful and charismatic Ms Elizabeth Robillard. I call her the movie star. She sent me this poem over the weekend which made me howl with laughter. Anyway, for everyone who is interested in movie stars, here is her resume. Just to add, we don't have any Brad Pitt lookalikes in the UK, we have to make do with Mr Nick Clegg, Leader of the Lib Dem Party. It is recession in the UK still.
The Alternative IF
If you can keep your knickers untwisted when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all tossers doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait endlessly and be knackered by waiting,
Or being bitched about, don't deal with bitches,
Or being hated & baited without kicking, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't wear Prada of Ebay, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams outrageously ridiculous,
If you can think--and not make thoughts barmy ones all the time;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same
unless you hit the jackpot then stick two fingers up at the world;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by Chavs to make a trap for other chavs,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, battered,
And stoop and build 'em up with exhaustion: Valium helps
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
you'd have a major gambling problem, go to Rehab
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
You're a workaholic masochist
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
Alternatively hold on to something else Brad-Pitt looking
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Only if it's not hurting you or anyone else to do so,
Virtues can be overrated and harsh
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, not never,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you
unless they are psycho's in which case you can shoot them
in the legs according to the Dalai Lama;
If all men count with you, but none too much you greedy bastard,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run coward,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Woman, my girl!
--Rudyard Kipling & Elizabeth Robillard
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all tossers doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait endlessly and be knackered by waiting,
Or being bitched about, don't deal with bitches,
Or being hated & baited without kicking, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't wear Prada of Ebay, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams outrageously ridiculous,
If you can think--and not make thoughts barmy ones all the time;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same
unless you hit the jackpot then stick two fingers up at the world;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by Chavs to make a trap for other chavs,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, battered,
And stoop and build 'em up with exhaustion: Valium helps
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
you'd have a major gambling problem, go to Rehab
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
You're a workaholic masochist
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
Alternatively hold on to something else Brad-Pitt looking
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Only if it's not hurting you or anyone else to do so,
Virtues can be overrated and harsh
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, not never,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you
unless they are psycho's in which case you can shoot them
in the legs according to the Dalai Lama;
If all men count with you, but none too much you greedy bastard,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run coward,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Woman, my girl!
--Rudyard Kipling & Elizabeth Robillard
0 comments:
Post a Comment