This may or may not be the clamp used at UCL Medical School. I was reminded yesterday of my escapade at medical school. The final exam vivas are supposed to make us all grown up doctors. My finals were sometime ago in 1998. Now, we all assume that finals will be based on our syllabus and that examiners will ask us something reasonable. Well, this was my surgical viva - the examiners had got bored. Two examiners sat in front of me smirking at the object on the table. The question was - what was the object?
This is an extract of the conversation between me and the surgical examiner.
This is an extract of the conversation between me and the surgical examiner.
Dr Urologist - So Dr Pal to be, what do you think this is?
Dr Pal to be - " A Clamp of some kind "
Dr Urologist - So what do you think we do with this clamp?
Dr Pal to be - Clamp things?
Dr Urologist - What kind of things do you think we could clamp given that we are Urologists?
Dr Pal to be - Errrm, human organs?
Dr Urologist - What kind of human organs?
Dr Pal to be - Large ones?
Dr Urologist - Now Dr Pal to be, be decisive here. What century do you think this comes from?
Dr Pal to be - Errm given your age, possibly the 18th Century.
Dr Urologist - And what do you think my age could be?
Dr Pal to be - Quite old. All consultants are old.
Dr Urologist - Why do you think they get old?
Dr Pal to be - Because they spend their time asking medical students difficult questions.
Dr Urologist - Do you think I am asking you a difficult question?
Dr Pal to be - It may or may not be one.
Dr Urologist - So what do you think this clamp was used for?
Dr Pal to be - Well, it could have been used to clamp medical students to examiners tables in some sacrificial ritual.
Dr Urologist - Is that so. So, do we conclude that you don't know what this clamp is.
Dr Pal to be - I may or may not know.
Dr Urologist - What kind of organs to do think it could clamp apart from medical students who haven't spent more than 3 years on a Urology firm.
Dr Pal to be - Well, they could be used to clamp your testicles Sir.
Dr Urologist - [breaking out in laughter] Do you think it would be painful?
Dr Pal to be - Hopefully
Dr Urologist - You don't like examiners do you.
Dr Pal to be - Not today Sir.
Dr Urologist - As you have got the wrong organs, what other organs in that area could be clamped.
Dr Pal to be - Your penis Sir.
Dr Urologist - Correct. Absolutely correct. What kind of difficulties may there be.
Dr Pal to be - No idea Sir, the small size?
The two examiners looked at each other and one told me " Right Dr Pal, look forward to seeing you at your graduation then". I got up with the clamp in my hand and started to walk towards the door after thanking the examiners. There had to be a sharp discreet exit.
Dr Urologist screams " Dr Pal, please leave your Penis Clamp on the table. You don't want to cause injury to mankind"
And that was how I became Dr Rita Pal MBBS :)
[ This is a true story]
Warning - no penile clamps should be used by members of the public without supervision from a Urologist.
3 comments:
ROFL and you never looked back ;-)
She might have turned to stone.
Bloody Hell Rita, I'll need a sash clamp.
So, if I have any problems I'd best avoid BUPA and get a PetPlan policy for an equine vet.
Does a "G" clamp hold the "G" spot? I'd hate to think what we'd do with a "carver" clamp?
We certainly need to take greater care and become more aware of health issues.
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