Prof Gillian Needham. Spellbound by Curried Hemlock

Carol Black doesn't talk Bullshit :)

Everyone knows I have a fever by now. This was in the hope of getting some TLC from the surgical team up in Inverness. Alas, this virus seems to be taking over and mutating everywhere. There are of course no surgical spirits haunting me here after midnight.

I am also slower than my average rapid brain speed. This is why Jobbing Doctor has got to the Hemlock Magic before me. The thing about JD is that he is being swotty. The other point about JD is that his swottiness is sexy but then he knows that :). The final issue is that the anonymous source has been unfaithful and circulated his links to all and sundry :). This is the problem with tall, dark handsome strangers who supply information, they are always totally and utterly unfaithful :) and even swing both ways. Shocking! As for JD, I have no idea where a man of his age gets all his energy from. His wife must be feeding him chocolate fondue in bed or something!

The good thing about viruses and fevers is that it makes you view the world in a rather different way. This is only day 2 of the blogfest concerning our friend Dr Scot Jnr. who is marooned in Inverness. Discussion on all other subjects have been terminated. Of course, I have no objections to writing reams on Scottish surgeons. Apparently, they are now a delicacy in these parts. Besides, I can think of lots of things to say about Scottish Surgeons.

One such surgeon is David Currie. David is a very married man. As I always say, married men are rather delicious, probably because they are untouchable.

"David Currie, 51, is thought to have mistaken the plant for an edible shrub while walking in the Scottish highlands at the weekend. He was yesterday in a stable condition at Raigmore hospital, Inverness."

"Hemlock, which can grow up to two metres, is relatively common across the UK and is dangerous when ingested. It has been notorious as a poison since Socrates drank a potion when sentenced to death"

Of course, we must not forget that this was communal Hemlock eating.

The BBC stated

"The neurosurgeon had been hill walking with Professor Gillian Needham when the incident occurred"

Lets refer to the Guardian again

"Dr Currie, who is married with two daughters, is a neurosurgeon with Grampian Hospitals NHS trust. He is a keen naturalist interested in wild mushrooms and edible plants"

A married man, walking alone with Prof Gillian Needham in the Highlands of Scotland?? Did they have a chaperone? A small town in the Scottish Highlands where a married man under the spell of hemlock takes a long walk with a Scottish Witch. Apparently, the story is infamous.

I shall though postulate why two doctors with a combination of a million degrees between them did not spot the obvious.

These are Gillian Needham's degrees. BSc(Hons) MB ChB(Hons) FRCR FRCP(Edin) ILTM

There is no doubt that David G Currie is good with his hands. He has written large books and papers. Indeed, he told the BMJ that "Bigger is Not Better". Did he inform Prof Needham of this fact? Would Gillian have gone on a walk with him if he had admitted that? Men eh! Ecomomical with the truth!

So essentially, we are led to believe that two senior doctors, with years of education on their side made a mistake. We move back to the Guardian and read this

"A spokesman for Ramblers Scotland said: "Most walkers would know it's dangerous."

"He is a keen naturalist interested in wild mushrooms and edible plants"

We therefore ask David G Currie whether he has an interest in the Venus Fly Trap. The Gillian Needham variety seems extremely common as a "wild plant" in the Highland Parts. We doubt this Venus Fly Trap is edible but perhaps David G Currie could give us his " expert view". Currently, the Venus Fly trap is failing to open, having trapped a junior doctor from Inverness within her clutches. Perhaps David G Currie could confirm whether he has managed to open this specific venus fly trap. Perhaps he has been a fly on the Deanery's wall at times gone by.

My theory was that the species was Dwarf Hemlock Mistletoe. Perhaps for David Currie, it was love at first bite?

Of course, swotty JD has not told you about the fact that Hemlock is a common witchy plant.

"Of all the plants traditionally associated with European witchcraft, the one you are most likely to come across in Britain is hemlock, or Conium maculatum to give it its botanical name. It is also likely that you will have passed by without giving it a second glance, which is not surprising because unless you know what to look for, the distinctive features which differentiate this from the rest of the vast family of Umbelliferae, it will not look significantly different from the hedge parsley, cow parsley and other more familiar members of the family you probably don’t take much notice of either"

The Scottish Witch of the Highlands Deanery was certainly indulging in her craft.

"This plant is traditionally associated with the Devil and witches, because it is poisonous. They were said to use it in spells to evoke demons and evil spirits, and to destroy love, cause madness or paralysis, and blast fertility in men and animals. It was also one of the ingredients of those flying ointments with which they were believed to anoint their bodies before they flew to the Sabbat. In England it is known as Bad Man's or Devil's Oatmeal, and children are warned not to touch it because if they do so the Devil may seize and fly away with them.The hemlock although does have healing and soothing properties, and was used in folk-medicine for several painful ills. A poultice of water- hemlock (cowbane) cured rheumatism. Hemlock roots roasted until they were soft eased the pains of gout in the hand. A sixteenth-century sleeping-apple contained hemlock juice mixed with opium, mandrake, henbane-seeds, and musk, which was rolled into a ball and held to the patient's nose until he fell asleep."

From the above we conclude the following :-

1. Prof Needham goes for long Highland walks with a married man

2. Prof Needham indulges in Hemlock.

3. Prof Needham says [2] was a mistake

4. Did Prof Needham's judgment become impaired following [2]?

5. Given [3] Prof Needham can make mistakes.

6. Does the GMC feel that this indulgence with Hemlock should be investigated by the health panel :). Seems bizarre behaviour to suspend a doctor on the strength of one comment on one doctors only website that no member of the public was party to. Are there any long term effects to Hemlock ingestion? Again, we have to go to Dr Elizabeth Miller to tell us about the impairment to a person's mental functioning and how this would theoretically affect judgment :).

7. As Dean of the Highlands Deanery, can Gillian Needham confirm the fitness to practise of David G Currie. Is he good with his hands?

To end, I thought I would share some of my poetry :). I wrote this some years ago. It seems apt since I referred to Hemlock. Apparently, I have won a few prizes in this sort of thing. This is dedicated to Dr Wayne :). The construction of words is slighly better than the Carol Black song :). Tomorrow, I may dedicate it to someone else. In fact, what we can do is dedicate one love poem to each anonymous emailer :).

Gillian Needham may wish to dedicate it to someone else.

BEGGAR OF LOVE


Twisted lusted passionate desire,

Love be it betrayal

Love be it sacrifice

Love be it death

Love brushed in concepts,

Snake rosed, wined, dined

Angel dusted fairyland,

Ecstasy fruited

In closed doored whispers

To beckon midsummer dreams

Of sweet floral caresses

In the bewitching dawns mist.



Incoherent, incomprehensible

Infatuated, incongruent

Calculating logic seek to wonder

In hunger of reasons

To scour like the unfed rat

To seek worlds in minds

Of the powerless unrequited,

In slumber by the hemlocks hand

Lies the beggar of love

Person David Currie.

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