Tidy Rooms

Dr India's Cyber Cleaner

Dr India has discovered the joys of mopping. Actually, we all discover the joys of mopping after a skirmish with the authorities. I think everyone thinks that a tidy room is reflective of a tidy life, it probably is. That's probably why I have a very messy study but it is one of those organised messes that you can find everything in. The mess in my study started about 1998 during the time when life was turned upside down and essentially there is no recovery from events such as 1998. I think whistleblowers simply just walk through life hoping for something at the end of a very dark tunnel. In my case, I always hope that tunnel consists of chocolate on the way and a splashing of good looking men. Somethings are important and everyone defaults to their primary coping instinct. I know I do.

The other thing about messy rooms is that it becomes more messy as time moves forward and as most of the authorities become more and more obstructive. I always think rooms are reflective of how you feel about life. I am sure if my own life neatened up, my room would be miraculously tidy. Afterall, it used to be many years ago.

I think the beauty of housework in focus is that it is cognitively therapeutic. It engages the brain into thinking in straight lines as opposed to fuming at the injustices meted out on you. So, effectively, I quite like housework in general and am normally found doing so after midnight. My greatest achievement was probably taking a Dyson apart and rebuilding it again. The issue about tidying up - is you do it little by little, strategically, much like a project. When your life has been turned upside down, you simply have to accept that getting out of bed, eating, watching TV, walking out to the shops and normal human functioning is probably quite an achievement. Tidying can always wait till later.

One thing I am fairly famous for is ironing while extremely annoyed. I find that ironing helps calm the stormy seas. I have done a lot of ironing in the last 10 years and I am grateful to the GMC for that. Without them, none of my ironing would ever get done.

The other issue about whistleblowing is this - no one ever has a solution for you. Many can judge, many can look down upon you, many can avoid you as if you are some elephant man but few actually have a solution. Bolsin talked about retaliation by the authorities. How on earth does anyone cope with that? Well, as Dr India points out, my defence mechanism which defaults into a coping mechanism is to mock the powers that be. I suspect it is a form of NLP in a way but then again, I have had a strange outlook on those in power. You can't take things too seriously really - not when there are more important things in the world.

Anyhow, for this New Year, I ought to make some headway in tidying up as I am finally achieving some small results and making a little headway on various aspects of whistleblowing accountability. I was actually sorting some papers out after midnight yesterday and was amazed at how innocent I was in 1998 and the year 2000. Much like a number of junior doctors who believe that their seniors will support them and be there for them. The references of my own seniors are strewn in the rubbish tip in my room. They are now out of date and as soon as they all found out about my past and or the General Medical Council, they all ran away.

The latest one to do a runner was Dr John Doran. I still recall the mess last year when I tried desperately to make Doran understand the General Medical Council. Of course, why would he? The shutters came down, he stopped answering his emails and Dr John Doran of Worcestershire Mental Health Trust essentially stopped. So from effectively being one of his favourite doctors, things changed overnight just by one issue - the appearance of the dementors. When I was cleared by the GMC, he had nothing to say and he still has nothing to say. So, yes during GMC investigations, no matter how frivolous the allegations, you are effectively always left to face the music on your own because no one has the guts to back you - not even those who call themselves friends.

But then, this is a reaction I have always been used to. You become acclimatised to it much like bad eczema. You then begin to understand an element of human behaviour - no matter how kind you are to them, no matter how much you do for them, in the end when you need them most, they disappear in a puff of smoke. Because then, other things become important. The correspondence on the IT system to Field Fisher Waterhouse showed us all where Dr Doran's allegiance lay.

So it was quite interesting to see North Staffordshire NHS Trust support Dr Mohammed Asha at his terror trial right to the end. I of course don't have what Mohammed Asha has because everyone in my work place[s] ran away from me. I don't feel sad about it, I just feel a little disappointed because people become much like ships - pass you by in a short space of time. I think that is what Steve Bolsin had to get used to and it is what I now expect.

All these events become pieces of paper, strewn across your room and as time moves on, those pieces of paper rot, much like the memories of the people who wrote them. As the years move by, most people's letters become dust because in the end, they become irrelevant in a large untidy room.

So, you realise that during your time as a whistleblower, the timeline has pockets of people who liked various aspects of you, various aspects of your personality and when they one day found out you raised concerns about poor care or substandard service, they walked the other direction and never came back.

As the whistleblower, you then learn to walk the other opposite direction and never look back. It is much like greek mythology, if you look back you may just turn to stone.

And that in a nutshell is one of the prices you pay for whistleblowing.