Sex In Salford City

My piece on NHS Behind the Headlines dragged in the most hits this week so I thought I would repeat it. Lets face it Teresa, bless her cotton socks is no Paris Hilton. I was contemplating the love lives of these very senior women. The women who look down on others, judge others but cannot actually do the moral thing in their own personal lives. I am no prude but I think double standards are rather interesting. Perhaps this is the reason why these women are so darn right mean. I postulate that there is something missing in their lives. Those who remember Jed Mercurio will also recall his portrayal of medicine in Cardiac Arrest. He was fairly accurate - hot bed of dysfunctional sex with dysfunctional people, that lasts about 3 minutes then moves on. Jed and I emailed briefly quite a few years ago. Very nice guy and an excellent writer.

Many will recall my rather sexy posting regarding Gillian Needham. Gillian and her lovers tryst, her love for Hemlock and the man who left his wife. Of course, some would say their private life is none of my business. Of course, it isn't which is why it is rather fun to be a bit like Hedda Hopper. Hedda though had no conscience. I don't know about me, I think one day, I won't have a conscience and by then I would have written some dynamite material.

Then there is Dr Teresa Kelly, Consultant Gynaecologist and Obstetrician went on holiday and and finally caught that elusive tadpole. Which bint goes prancing into GMC Towers and admits to their holiday "fling" if it was one? It is like "hey everyone, look its me, I managed to get pregnant and guess what - my eggs are hatching". Yay, alert the media! Actually, I can imagine her running into GMC Towers and shouting " Good Sexual Practise" - I have caught one at 39:) and demanding 100 CPD points and automatic revalidation.

One junior doctor asked " when is she going on holiday again". I wonder if he was volunteering to mountain climb.

Then according to one GMC member, they began to speculate how it all happened, where it all happened and how it was done. But then this is what the GMC always speculates on. Take the doctor known as Big Cchris. The GMC were dying to know about his swinging sessions. I know at least one person who won a leading judgment against them who is a swinging sensation. Yes GMC, swinging is normal for some people and accepted good sexual practise.

Big Cchris though inspires the GMC much like Dr Teresa Kelly. The spotlight though falls on Kelly's love life. Sure we are all interested just like the GMC is. I suggested that the Lovers Guide may provide the GMC member with clues then I made the point that people often fumble and slip up or in as the case maybe.

According to the GMC member, sex is not recommended for any doctor, anyone caught having sex on holiday by the sea will be arrested, thrown into GMC Towers to be beheaded when the time is right. I suppose Kelly could use the Clinton Defence but some say the only thing in Kelly's fridge is milk. Perhaps that's why she had to go on holiday.

I am sure the GMC panellists didn't know where to look. I mean what would you say if a Salford Bint advertises the fact she got pregnant on holiday.

Then there is the giving birth bit. Perhaps she opted for Dr Crippen's favourite Home Birth :). Dr Crippen won't like me referring to Home Births but he has to understand that some mothers who have babies with forked tongues may need it :).

There is a great scene in the cult sci fi thriller V. The baby is conceived - half human and half alien. The baby is delivered by the midwife and all is fine and totally human, until the baby starts crying. And there it is - the forked tongue and that is where the camera cuts. It was a classic in Sci Fi. I wonder if this has ever happened at Hope Hospital especially to mothers who happen to be senior doctors.

Pregnancy and holidays are all the rage these days. NOW magazine says so, therefore it must be true. As Kelly is a GMC witness, perhaps that is the advice the GMC would wish to give all teenagers. The GMC's advice may be " Ms Shagworthy is setting a prime example to young people all over the UK" :). Get pregnant first and think about who you shagged later! This is of course by a woman who knows the most about contraception. This is a Condom Demonstration Handout just for Dr Kelly because it seems the Royal College has failed in its duties. Perhaps the head of the Royal College of Obs and Gobs would like to read this leaflet out to her during her appraisal.

Indeed, no doubt Finlay Scott, Head Poncho at GMC Towers and an expert CBE winner plus all rounder may like to advise his top GMC Witness on what documentations she has to complete on contraception knowledge. He may also advise on Home Births for women who have babies with forked tongues. This may well be a common problem at the GMC.